Marriage - I

Donatus Cho Fru

Today, unlike in the pre-colonial and colonial eras, the indigenous traditional marriage system exists in conjunction with civil and Christian nuptial practices, which were introduced into the kingdom with the advent of colonialism. Thus a couple may be united through one or more of these three systems.

Nevertheless, according to customs of connubial arrangements, the union of a couple without traditional marriage rites is, by and large, regarded as hollow and incomplete. Marriage (nüzo’o) is therefore one of the most significant institutions in the Mankon social life.

In Mankon, marriage is generally regarded as an important accomplishment in life. This idea is often expressed by the question ‘a tsi na key, mbong kü’zo’o’, - roughly translated as: ‘what do people have when they are not married?’. Thus, an adult who is unmarried is generally looked on with little respect. Indeed, in the past bachelorhood or spinsterhood were regarded as anomalies in the community. And if, for some reason, a woman remained unmarried, then in such circumstances the parents of such a woman could not hold their heads high in public, but rather kept to themselves with ignominy and discomfort.

 The objectives of marriage in Mankon in the past were somewhat different from those of today. At that time, its principal aim was procreation in order to increase the size of the family. Secondly, influence, economics and prestige also constituted the raison d’etre of conjugal practices, especially in pre-colonial and colonial days. A man who had many wives was said to be well-to-do, given that affluence was reflected in the number of wives and progeny a man had.

 Thus polygyny was widely practised in Mankon, particularly in pre-colonial times; whereas, with the coming of Christianity, monogamy started gaining ground there. With the practice of polygyny, a man’s wives and children normally all lived in the same compound, sharing domestic responsibilities. In fact, polygyny was highly regarded since it was based on economic necessity and helped to increase the number of births, or to make up for the shortage of men resulting from inter-tribal wars, witchcraft or health hazards. To a more limited extent, polygyny is still practised today.

 Arranged  Marriages

Ordinarily, traditional marriage arrangements are not only the business of both spouses but also the concern of their respective families or lineages, and even that of the community at large. Marriage is also considered as one of many close, personal relationships in an extended family. In this extended family system, the selection of the son’s or daughter’s partner is of prime importance to the entire family and is normally the responsibility of the parents of the two families.

Furthermore, since marriage plays a significant role in establishing the entire family’s economic and social standing, mate selection is a way of forging connections between kinship groups. As such it is considered too important to be left to the individuals involved. Consequently, mate selection, marriage negotiations and rituals are usually handled by the title-holders of the kingdom, especially lineage heads (bütabütsey).

However, today these activities are also organized by minor descent group heads, household heads and parents, while the mafo (queen mother) handles those of princes and princesses. Although, at times, arranged marriages may violate the freedom of choice of the spouses, it should be noted here that mate selection is regulated in order to provide an orderly way of passing on property to the next generation.

In the past, in times of war, men gave female war captives as wives to their sons. In such cases, no traditional marriage rites were performed.

Usually, when looking for a wife for his son, a father is guided by a number of criteria. Firstly, the woman has to be morally upright and hardworking: in a situation where the woman’s character cannot be assessed because of her tender age, the moral background of her matrilineage is taken into account. secondly, her family is expected to be void of witchcraft and sorcery; thirdly, the rule of exogamy requires that the woman should come from a clan other than that of her future husband; fourthly, beauty is also always an essential criterion.

Women had to be virgins before marriage: a woman was carefully watched over until the time when she was taken to their husband’s household. Women got married when fully matured and when they had reached the fullness of their physical strength. In fact, as soon as she got married, a wife was expected to be capable of working well; to start cultivating the fields, and to feed a household of at least three members: herself, the husband and a housemaid (ndimon).

It is the duty of every father to give a wife to his son who is of age. Coming-of-age entails becoming interested in women, building one’s house and showing by actions and deeds that one is responsible. Thereafter, the son is compelled by tradition to accept the first wife given to him by his father. From then onwards, he can marry as many wives as he desires without objection from anybody, provided he respects the customs that govern this institution.

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In Mankon, as in many modern African societies, young people usually find the practice of arranged marriages difficult to comprehend, much less to accept: in fact, they consider traditional marriage practices to be more of a matter of economics than of love. Nowadays romantic love and individual choice, rather than economics and parental arrangement, have become the principles on which marriage is based in this kingdom.

T. Achu Anye (in “Mankon Historical Texts”) summarizes the present situation thus: ‘As one of the foremost institutions of social organization, the path of marriage was, and still is, lined with a variety of impediments, requirements, preliminaries, and ceremonials which would be downright discouraging if the objectives were not so attractive.’

A. N. Monikang on his own part (in “Marriage and Kinship Among the Mankon”) underscores the fact that ‘marriage in Mankon was said to be stable in pre-colonial days due to the parental influence exerted on the couple and social taboos which were admitted as part of the tradition’; and L. Anya-noa and S. Atangana (in “La Sagesse Beti dans le Chant des Oiseaux”) conclude by stating that ‘Marriage is an ancestral institution: it guarantees the continuity of the family, tribe and clan. Bride wealth is obligatory. It is often accompanied by the provision of work or a special service.’