Marriage III - Negotiating for prospective spouse

Followingthe colonial period, the nguø form ofmarriage negotiation has also witnessed some changes. the woman’s opinion is nowsought with regards to the choice of her husband and vice versa. Thus, after aperiod of courtship when both parties agree to marry, they inform theirparents. If there are no objections, as mentioned earlier, then the man’sfather proceeds with the negotiations.

During thefirst official visit to the woman’s compound, her father will invite her intohis sitting-room and present his guest to her, explaining the purpose of hisvisit. He will ask the woman to take the wine her suitor’s father has broughtand pour it into his own drinking-horn. He will then sip a little and give therest to her. When she finishes drinking the wine in the cup, the father willask her to refill it. He will then drink again, give it to her and then ask herto give the rest to the suitor’s father. If she does so and the suitor’s fatherempties the contents of the cup, it is considered that she has consented to themarriage and that the bond is sealed. All that remains now is to decide on thedetails of the first instalment of bride wealth, suitor services and thenuptial ceremony.

In the nguø system of marriage, the man’sfather is expected to make four official visits to the woman’s father – usuallyexpressed as of ‘wines’ (mulu’),these visits also comprise the payment of the bridal wealth (nkabø atu mangyie). During the firstvisit, the suitor’s father takes along the first ‘wine’ (mülu’u mümbite) and asks for the woman’s hand in marriage. Usuallytermed ‘small wine’, this consists of raffia palm wine and money.

The secondand third ‘wines’ (mülu’u mewi and mülu’u mütitœrü), also consisting ofraffia palm wine and money, are the most important in that it is during thisperiod that the woman’s father invites his nchi– his daughter’s maternal grandfather (tama)– to share in the bridal wealth. The suitor’s father is then required to visitor ‘see the doors’ (ndzey müntsu münda)of certain members of the woman’s family and give them their share of the bridalwealth: they usually include her maternal uncles and aunts, her maternalgrandfather (tama) and her father’ssuccessors, if any. The women are generally provided with atœb, a vegetable soup prepared with leaves of taro (Colocasia esculenta), palm oil and meat.

The fourthand last ‘wine’ (mülu’u müngubø, alsoknown as the ‘big wine’ or mülu’u münzo’o) consists of seven fowls, raffia palmwine, money, plantains and palm oil. The seven fowls are normally shared thus:the first one, going to the groom and his parents, is roasted and eaten thesame day; two are given to the bride’s maternal grandfather; and four go to thebride’s parents. It is on this occasion that a day is fixed for the woman to beescorted to her new home; this is on condition that she is already mature.

It is worthmentioning here that, in pre-colonial times, the giving of bridal wealth wasspread over a fixed period of time. Conventionally, however, a prospectivehusband was usually agreed upon by members of the would-be wife’s family, andhis suitor services were enlisted. Suitor services, such as clearing farmplots, building fences, fetching firewood, harvesting crops and buildinghouses, went hand in hand with the payment of the bridal wealth.

Bridewealth payment and suitor services were of fundamental importance inpre-colonial Mankon: an ideal conjugal union was only contracted after suitorservices had been undertaken or bride wealth had been paid. During the pre-slave-tradeperiod bridal wealth, which was paid in instalments, included livestock,poultry and valuable articles, and also consisted of foodstuffs. Cowries, brassrods, cloth, tobacco, beads and so on, introduced when trade with the Europeansstarted, constituted bride wealth during the slave-trade era. Naturally, todaythe situation has changed considerably.